I am living in a state of mental war.
Perhaps it has to do with having been 'in transit' for the past, oh, six months. Not having a home or knowing you're only going to be living somewhere for a few months doesn't encourage unpacking (at least, not when you're as disenclined to pull out a bajillion boxes and later have to labour over a precise repacking war when instead you could spend the summer wearing about 10 days worth of clothes many. times. over) but now that we ARE here, and settled, I'm noticing just how frazzled I am.
And its insane.
My brain is all over the place. I honestly can't recall it being this helter skelter before; but considering the state of my recall capacities I'm having doubts about that, too! Argh. I'm trying to focus, but there's so much that still seems to be going on, every time I sit down and think alright, done that, now what should I do? There's 5 different options from 10 different things that all need doing and I get overwhelmed instantly. Or frustrated. That one, too.
In large, large part, this is because whenever I go to DO something, it's so much more o struggle than I'm used to. For example right now I'd like to pay my bills. (On a side note- I am sitting at MY table, with my glasses on and a cuppa, with MY mail at MY house about to pay bills addressed to me. Though I am in a huff about what a fuss it's being, I am incredibly appreciative about the whole thing and rather chuffed with myself. What an adult. Or, I would be, if only I could do this WHITHOUT getting frazzled enough to blog about it...) In any case, bills to pay. Ok, fine. I can do that. I have envelopes (a pack of 20) and stamps (a pack of $50). The problem? I've just spent twenty minutes looking for EITHER and finding traces of NEITHER. I know I have them with me; I used them in Halifax and they were put in the car from there. I remember packing the stamps with an elastic around them and tucking them away. I'm pretty sure I used them on postcards from here! So, where the heck are they?!
I got huffy enough over the stamps that I decided to make myself a cup of tea. I love tea. I have very nice tea. I decided on a cup of loose leaf tea, for a change from the hot chai I've been drinking. Alright, lovely. I know that I have a stirrer, a tea mixer which clamps the loose leaf in and steeps it while stirring. Only, I can't find it.
I DID find the mesh for my hot tea mug- which just reminded me that I now have absolutely no idea where the hot tea mug is. Just. Freaking. Fabulous.
I'm getting pretty upset by the cumulative loss over the summer. It wouldn't be so bad, but most of the things I seem to be losing are either valuable ($50 bucks woth of stamps!) or sentimental (My tea stirrer I bought on the trip to Halifax, in Maine, and I cant really pop over an replace it- plus I havent even USED it yet!! And the hot tea mug was a Christmas gift from a dear friend) or BOTH (for example I've also lost a drapey sweater, which I loved, and bought from a designer who lives in 100 Mile- near my home town- and was made of bamboo, so it was rather expensive AND I loved it so dfnsaijgadfughdajk, drapey sweater, come home.)
And so. There are big things I have to focus on- the bills do need paid and that's pretty important! But so is school, and looking for work, and deciding what the heck I want to do- do I go back to school? What for? And on top of my classes and job interviews which I'm not even sure I want we have renters who I have to keep some mental track of; tell so and so this or remind so and so that oh and we need to buy a bedside table for this room; oh and I need to buy baking canisters because the plastic bag pile is not ok and how should I label them, masking tape? No I dont want to buy just for that; oh that green painters tape. Oh, we still need to paint. We still need to do that whole office. I wonder if we'll ever get a bedroom door? Oh crap, where IS that book? I need to have it read by Friday...
Welcome to my brain. It isn't pretty, folks. Not at all.
Whew. Ranting aside, I am generally happy with my brain- it's gotten me though life so far, and my life has been decently interesting. I'm just not used to it not... remembering things for me. I have lists all over the place (Oh crap, I need to make a grocery list for today!!) and I'm forgetting where the lists are. You know. That level of madness. How to people ever survive having kids?! I can harldy keep track of me!!
Alright. It's time to get down to business and make me some categorized (and digital; my to do lists are probably my most profuse waste of paper. Not even kidding!) To Do lists; go pick up my fabulous fiance (off topic- that's how I'm saved in his phone. In his last phone I was Goddess to whom I owe fealthy forever and ever (not his idea, hehehe) but in this one I'm fabulous fiancee. Awww!) maybe indulge in a loop around our local man made lake and get cracking.
Its too easy to get distracted, that the problem. Curse you, internet. I love you so.