Today's post: Fun times with Jezebel and Tumblr. 

I love both websites. I do. I'm a tumblr addict. But just because you love someone doesn't mean that they don't sometimes spew something out that you don't agree with.

This is what happens when that happens.

Original Article here. 

albinwonderland:

surplustorequirements:

I know this isn’t “for me” because it’s from jezebel, but it still got me riled up. 

Point one: Maybe you should tell someone who is annoying that you’re just not interested instead of putting up with it every day.

Point two: Maybe if you’re thinking about work every time you’re on coffee break, you’re a workaholic.

Point three: Okay, I won’t do nice things for or try to chat up attractive girls in an attempt to beat back my social anxiety and see if they’re interested in me because they might be sick of people like me and I’ll just stay lonely for the rest of my 30 useful years on this Goddamned planet.

Women: concerned for our safety

This Guy: your complaining about your safety is making my dating life difficult!!!!! 

Point one: Maybe you should tell someone who is annoying that you’re just not interested instead of putting up with it every day.

Re: point one.
It appears to me, my good sir, that you have not in fact bothered to read the article before critiquing it with your precious opinions. Had you so bothered, you would have found that our protagonist does in fact object to his harassers. In fact, he does so many times, and takes his actions further by expelling the offenders from his table. Never the less, ranting about this minute detail misses the obvious point of the article, which is as titled that even “nice” can be annoying.  Do I want free coffee? Well, sure. Is the coffee proffered, or, breaking out of the extended metaphor the author is using, are the compliments, comments, or attention free? Rarely. Hardly. If ever.  You suggest that we should speak up, casually mention that some of us would prefer to be left alone even when we dare to be visible in the outside world and social situations. Well, this is us speaking up, and this is you accusing us being workaholics and making you lonely and completely, utterly, 100% missing the point. We do not “put up with someone who annoys [us] everyday”. The point is that we are not CHOOSING these interactions, and we have NO WAY of escaping them. We have NO WAY of avoiding potentially unpleasant interactions other than eschewing interactions entirely. Sometimes people like to leave their humble abodes and interact with what is, for the most part, the rest of a rather decent human race.  Some of the people who approach the cute girl on her laptop at Starbucks probably have the best of intentions and are just hoping to spark a meaningful interaction with another human being. What you’re missing here is that we have no way of knowing who is a decent human being and who is not, and making a mistake can be fatal. There’s no code for this- “Oh, he brought you a green tea with honey, thank goodness; it’s only the half fat extra espresso mocha latte that will stalk you for 3 months before raping and murdering you!” and it is not an exaggeration. You do not appear to realize that an action as simple as smiling at a stranger, something which SHOULD be a pure and simple sharing of human happiness and decency, can be dangerous. As people who may face unwanted interactions dozens of times a day and are expected to be GRATEFUL for these propositions (“Aww, I want free coffee!” “Aww, I never get whistled to in the street!” “Aww, I wish I got complimented that often!”) this situation can be exhausting and disheartening. All it takes is knowing someone who has had one bad experience to make you remember that it’s not always safe to have a stupid little conversation. And we all know someone.

Point two: Maybe if you’re thinking about work every time you’re on coffee break, you’re a workaholic.

Re: Point two. Once again I am reminded that your literary skills appear to have been malfunctioning in this circumstance. In the linked to article, our protagonist is not on a lunch break; he is in fact working. In today’s society, a computer can be used for all sorts of wonderful things, from perusing the internet to doing one’s homework to fascinating research, interacting with friends and family, or engaging in illegal activity. Many people are using this fabulous technology in their pursuit of gainful employment/ furthering their career. Isn’t this technology wonderful? I humbly present to you this alternative hypothesis:  the majority of North America is experiencing serious levels of un- or underemployment, and our hero is doing everything he can to avoid joining the unlucky who have felt the loving caress of The Corporation applied to their posterior as The Corp. downsizes and outsources to China. Rather than criticising a dedicated employee, perhaps you could praise their focus as they do their best to feed themselves and their family. Alternate hypothesis two: our hero is one of the lucky few who is truly engaged by and enjoys their work. In their coffee breaks, they like to brainstorm and hope their beverage of choice will inspire them to new creative heights.  

Even if the scenario you have suggested is completely accurate, I take issue with it here: it is not your right to criticise a stranger for some supposed problem which may or may not adversely affect them. Your comments are not helpful. Your comments are not constructive. Your comments are negative and detrimental. And your comments suggest, in light of context, that while on coffee break, anyone you may be interested in should turn off their brain and do their best to attract a complimentary interaction. I realize that where I am taking this line of thought is unlikely to be what you intended when you suggested it, but here we have an issue: I don’t feel that you have thoroughly considered the context into which you were speaking, and your ignorance, my good sir, is a huge, huge, part of the problem. It is unlikely that you would intend to offend, alarm, or annoy that cute girl at Starbucks by interrupting her from her work during your coffee break, but your lack of knowledge and foresight may lead you to do so. It is this very lack of knowledge that the article you read is attempting to help with. Sadly, you appear to have missed that entirely and instead take issue with supposed points which hardly even relate to the original post. Well, your ignorance is not a sufficient excuse for making someone feel unsafe in a public space.

Point three: Okay, I won’t do nice things for or try to chat up attractive girls in an attempt to beat back my social anxiety and see if they’re interested in me because they might be sick of people like me and I’ll just stay lonely for the rest of my 30 useful years on this Goddamned planet.

Re: Point three.  If you desire love, then it is a sad fate to spend your life alone. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone who is in need of love. But once again here you are demonstrating a lack of thought and knowledge which is concerning to me. In this aspect, I am indeed “sick of people like [you]”. There is nothing wrong with trying to engage in a positive interaction, even with the hopes of romantic entanglement ensuing. However, your flippancy in regards to ‘chatting up’ and ‘doing nice things for’ attractive girls sounds a lot like benevolent sexism to me. If she goes to Starbucks with her laptop open, headphones on, and a book in her lap, shockingly! Getting your attention may not be her goal. Her goal may be to find a safe space where she feels happy in her surroundings. Your attentions may be destroying that for her. The attention of a man is not a gift and we are not required to be thankful to have ‘earned’ it. If your attention is harmless, than why are you only interested in ‘chatting up’ and being nice to “attractive girls”? Your actions are sexualized and divisive along lines of what constitutes attraction for you. Well, she isn’t there to be eye candy and you have no right to make the assumption that she is open to a sexualized interaction, even if she is giving no signals to make you assume she is not. The onus should not be on the woman to work hard to present herself in an asexualized way. She should feel safe wherever she goes, especially a place as public as Starbucks. This is not the reality that I, as a woman, am living with, however. The reality I face is that I can be sexualized anywhere I go and I am expected to be thankful for it. And I am expected to be sorry that my negative reaction to your assumption that your attentions are welcome and that anyone who isn’t receptive to the attentions of a wholesome young man like yourself “might be a workaholic” and any number of other things but one way or another clearly has a problem is making you feel bad because you’re lonely.

Being lonely sucks. You know what sucks more? Being lonely, but being objectified by everyone who approaches you. Being lonely, but being afraid to have an interaction, because you know that if you’re assaulted or date raped you will be blamed. Not being lonely, but being expected to be grateful every time unwanted attention is diverted your way because god’s gift to woman kind is lonely, and as a woman this is clearly my fault.

I have a suggestion regarding your “30 useful years” left on this “Goddamn planet”. I suggest that you spend a chunk of them thinking your actions and assumptions through and trying to empathize with the humans you claim to want to interact with. I suggest that you take your assumptions and put them where the sun don’t shine. I suggest that you realize that posts like this ARE “for you”, even though they may originate on Jezebel, because the rights of every single human being EVER to feel safe at Starbucks is something that should concern EVERYONE, even you, ESPECIALLY you because the damage a person can do through a lack of knowledge, empathy, or understanding is absolutely astounding and there are no excuses good enough.

I suggest, if you see a pretty girl at Starbucks, you write her a note on a napkin and leave it up to her whether or not there is an interaction.
And I suggest, if you don’t see a pretty girl at Starbucks, you smile at someone anyways and still think about doing nice things such as being a decent human being because every single person, every single one, deserves the best that you can give them.

Lastly, I suggest that before you critique what was actually a great article, you fucking read it.

End rant.